At this minute I’m feeling confuced. I find it hard to follow how my life is changing. About a year ago I wrote about the school I was about to start. I had a bad taste in my mouth from the start, but I went for it anyways for several reasons that at the time seemed reasonable. Now I see that year in hell payed off: I don’t think I would have gotten in to the school I am in now withtout being already in at another University of Applied Sciences. And partly because of that I feel like a fake with my new class mates. They got in with their real talent etc. but I just had some good luck and year of useless information.
Everyone that has been reading my blog for a longer time knows that the school I was at last year was specialiced in fur and leather. Great for them but did nothing good for me. I wanted (and still do) to lear about fashion with capital F. About clothes, marketing them, how to make them etc. I really don’t want to spend my life with no other opinion than to work at my own little just fur company or to work at Anttila’s clothing ( think about Wall Mart). If it is University leveled degree I want it to work for me like that. Not against me.
Everyone else seems to have had so much time to do all kind of stuffs, they have studied tha basic degree of clothning, traveled abroad, worked etc. And all I have put my time into was that. Though I haven’t wasted the time on my hands. I just turned 20, and do still consider myself young. Hell with it, I am. And studing for many year really wouldn’t bother me at all. Live hasn’t always been too kind to me so I have been forced to understand that this is it now. I’m not waiting for it to start as soon as something that I have no power of happens. I am the wind keeper.
Back to the point, I seem to be blabbering. At the new school I tend to have feeling of not being good enough. In my books this really could be The school of my dreams. I love the degree best. But I find myself feeling iffy and indequate. The package of last year is burning my back and though I play cool and happy on the outside, as I get to home things start falling down. I know things never turn out like you would think or hope they would, but I still do hope I could change some of them.
As you know last spring made the sky fall on our back without any warning and as trying to cover from that things always turn out to be more painful that I would hope them to be. I hope I could get back the positivity I had in me just few years ago. I had such a strong belief that all would work out smootly. My life plan never required this kind of moving and changing plans. Though of course this is the best thing I’ve did for me, my CV and insanity.
The internet works now, but I’m too ashamed to post any photos of this yet.